Seeing past how someone hurt you

Posted: January 27, 2018 in Discipleship, Forgiveness, Freedom, God's love for you, Pastoral Ministry, Stories
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After a long night and day of marching, General Robert E. Lee and the exhausted Army of Northern Virginia made camp just east of Appomattox Courthouse on April 8, 1865. Lieutenant General Ulysses S. Grant had sent him a letter on the night of April 7, following confrontations between their troops at Cumberland Church and Farmville, suggesting Lee surrender. Lee refused. Grant replied, again suggesting surrender to end the bloodshed. Lee responded, saying in part, “I do not think that emergency has arisen to call for the surrender of this army,” though he offered to meet Grant at 10 the next morning between picket lines to discuss a peaceful outcome.

In planning for the next day, Lee informed his men that he would ignore the surrender request and attempt to fend off General Philip Sheridan’s cavalry while at least part of the Army of Northern Virginia moved on toward Lynchburg — assuming the main Union force was just calvary. However, Major General George G. Meade’s VI and II Corps pursued the greatly outnumbered Confederate troops.

Having watched the battle through field glasses, Lee said, “There is nothing left for me to do but go and see General Grant, and I would rather die a thousand deaths.” Having dressed that morning in his finest dress uniform, Lee rode to the spot where he thought he and Grant would meet between the picket lines for peace talks only to receive a message of Grant’s refusal to meet.

Lee quickly wrote a reply, indicating that he was now ready to surrender. Still hearing the sounds of fighting, Lee sent a letter to Meade requesting an immediate truce along the lines. Meade replied that he was not in communication with Grant but would send the message on and also suggest Lee send another letter to Grant via Sheridan. Lee also had Confederate Major General John B. Gordon place flags of truce along the line. As the messages moved through the lines and word of the surrender spread, the fighting stopped.

Grant received Lee’s letter of surrender just before noon. In his reply, Grant asked Lee to select a meeting place. In searching for a suitable place, Lee and his men encountered Wilmer McLean, who offered his own home for the meeting. Grant arrived in Appomattox about 1:30 in the afternoon and proceeded to the McLean house. His appearance in his field uniform, muddy after his long ride, contrasted sharply with Lee’s clean dress uniform. They chatted for a while before discussing and writing up the terms of the surrender.

The terms were surprising. It wasn’t judgment — nor prison — nor retribution. The terms were to stop fighting and to start living. Give up your weapons, go home, and plant your fields. The soldiers who had not eaten in days were given meal rations. Their horses and mules returned to plowing fields. The war was over but for many people, life had just begun.

A kind word can turn away wrath. Good things happen when we can weep with those who weep. Acting like Jesus sometimes means seeing past someone’s behavior and into their need.

If you’ve been hurt, the best next step for you is to forgive that person. Holding onto the hurt will only make the hurt worse.

Comments
  1. carfeather says:

    Great story to re-tell, Ken. This is a great picture for inter-personal conflicts, where people have hurt each other. Sometimes, just getting together and talking from the heart, can heal family members and close friends. “Stop fighting it, you’re only making it worse,” someone once wrote.

  2. Cheryl Robinson says:

    “Forgiveness is like setting a prisoner free, only to discover that you were the prisoner all along.”
    – Louis B Smede

    Love you and yours, brother Ken!❤️🙏

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